Eddie izzard flag8/16/2023 You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words … have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going … "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!".Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they fuck off that's the deal.You think I enjoy this? There you … don't fucking throw it!" That's why the third time, when they come back, they won't give it to you. Now, hang on to it this time, I don't want to piss about all the time. And you – hang on! Did you see me just bring that back? And then you … you dropped it again? This is very weird. Saw you dropped your stick there, thought I'd bring it back. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, "Oh, he's dropped his stick! I better go and get that. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level we have dogs at.I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.White wrap-up, big red letters LARD! Eat this shit and die! LARD! Kills you stone dead! Does blood move through your arteries? Block it up with LARD! Nutritional advice? No! Proteins? What the hell are they? Carbohydrates? Never heard of them, Guv! Fat? You bet your bum! We've got some some of that, yes sirree Bob! Oh, we're full of that, mate … Remember that campaign for butter, "Welcome back to butter"? "Welcome back to LARD!" We never went nowhere! Just been sitting at the back, quietly waiting … like Jack Nicholson … And in the back, behind there, not giving a damn … and all the bright colours and stuff just drops off when you get to this section.And we're going, "Oh, Captain Clever! Whoa-ho-ho! Rattle it, and if it doesn't go off, it can't be a bomb!".She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!" She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet.She's a … she's just a … she's dead, isn't she? ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |